The coaching question that feels like a hug

My favorite coaching question is not technically a question. It’s simply, “Tell me more…”

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To me, this statement feels like a hug, both when I say it to a client, and when my coach or therapist says it to me. It feels like the most gentle way to hold space, to say, I’m here. I’m listening. I’ve got all the time in the world for you. What else?

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The magic isn’t in the words, however. The magic (and warm embrace) is in your presence. The words themselves aren’t particularly powerful and they can even feel empty (imagine a robot saying them). But they can be transformative if delivered with full presence, attention, and care. This way of being is communicated in your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and the pitch and pace of what you say. 

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Try it: Lean forward, soften your tone, relax your jaw and the tiny muscles around your eyes, and then say, “Tell me more about that.” 

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And be ok with silence. Let someone find what they want to tell you. 

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It’s really simple, and also not so simple—because if you’re not fully present, if your mind and heart and body and spirit aren’t completely available to your client, these words won’t have the impact they could. 

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Here’s a challenge for you for this week: See how many times you can say, “Tell me more,” accompanied by full presence. And pay attention to the impact those words have.